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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fairy Tale Part Three: Keeping the Dream Alive

Recently, a statistic was quoted that 1 in 3 marriages do not survive and it is fast becoming 2 in 3! That's astounding and heartbreaking. The other day I observed that of all the weddings I've attended with my husband over the past 21-22 years there are only a few that are still in existence.

Why is this? What can we do to keep those flames burning?

Last time we visited with Little Princess and her Prince Charming, we saw that they were in a cycle of her having meltdowns every now and then, there were arguments and sweeping things under the carpet to reconcile. Life wasn't unbearable but where was the joy in the living and the loving?

They loved each other, but were they really loving each other? Neither one's needs were being met because neither one of them were communicating those needs. Prince Charming didn't because that was his nature and Little Princess didn't yet know how to effectively communicate her needs. She seemed to always end up alienating her husband when she did try.

Our hero and heroine go through many years like this. They did not yet know that it was possible to reignite those fires that once blazed so fiercely. Little Princess buried all her needs and desires, her passion for this man she loved. She was a practical little princess.. she did what she always did.. she adapted. She learned to not need the things she needed and threw herself into being a good mother and homemaker. 

Her hunger for romance was fed by the romance novels she devoured and, though there were times she did compare her prince to those in the books she read, generally she felt happy to have a prince at all and cherished each hug and kiss and lying in bed with arms wrapped around her to go to sleep. Storms were weathered and life marched on at its relentless pace, babies growing and the family's needs changing yet always demanding and constant.

Well, maybe it was the voice of 'middle age' calling but, one day she heard a voice in her head saying "Wake up little princess! Don't you want more? Wouldn't you like to have the marriage you dreamed of?"  

Well, let's cut a long story short and say that in trying to create more love and romance in her own marriage, Little Princess opened a Pandora's box that ended up almost engulfing her. Out of the ashes of this was born a new Little Princess and her marriage to Prince Charming also became a new creation. Want to know how this happened?

First of all, those romance books got thrown out.. you can't expect your real life spouse to measure up to Mr Perfect in a novel. She spent less time reading and more time texting and e-mailing.... her darling prince that is. Listen up ladies... nothing gets your hubby's attention like using modern technology that's so in-your-face.

Why shouldn't you be the one sending his phone pinging or filling up his inbox? Ok, ok.. don't overdo it, but your husband would love to hear that you miss him,  his hugs... that you cant wait to kiss him when he walks in the door.

Pay the man some attention... many other women will if you don't. Let him have his senses overloaded by YOU! Tell him how special he is to you and why.. tuck a love note in his lunch or on his briefcase. Be creative! From one little princess to another... it really works!

As you start building up your man, he's going to respond .. sometimes in incredibly surprising ways! It was after Little Princess revealed to her prince how much she fantasized about walking on a beach with him, watching the sunset, that he WANTED that just as much as she did. And guess what? They DID IT!

 So don't be afraid to share your dreams and fantasies.. if you don't tell him, how will he ever know?

Little Princess and her Prince Charming actually started getting to know each other... really know each other. For the first time they were sharing their thoughts and feelings regularly. It was as if once the floodgates were opened, almost 20 years worth of knowledge and yearning was struggling to pour out. Yes, YEARNING. How many of you wives yearn? Yearn for more romance or more attention or more communication? Do something about it. 

One of the images Little Princess kept in her mind was to see herself  20 or 30 years in the future  thinking about how much she could have and should have done when she could. She didn't want to have any regrets. She used this as her motivational tool to do new things.. even crazy things! 

Marriage isn't just about housekeeping and raising children.. its about two people who have personalities and needs and desires and dreams. Its about building your life together around those dreams and desires and crazy, quirky personalities.

CARPE DIEM! Seize the day! Start right now. Do something small and simple but make it be your first step towards revitalizing your marriage. Think about what makes your husband happy and do it for him. Start giving without counting the cost.. stop measuring what you get in return.

  Making him happy should make you happy.. there's your return right there! There's an added bonus.. when you start working on fanning that spark into a roaring flame again, you both experience a new lease on life... it spills over into all aspects of your life together.

So did Little Princess and Prince Charming suddenly have only joy and happiness and birds singing sweetly in their window? NOPE! They still had trials, arguments, pains, tears, a messy palace and bills to pay BUT they did have something new.. the knowledge that they had each other and each other's backs.. the knowledge that because of unconditional love, they could face all these problems TOGETHER! Together they are stronger and even if thunder chases away their little birds, they still come sweetly singing in the window afterward.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER... its a journey still incomplete and full of wonder and new things to discover every day. With Prince Charming at her side, this Little Princess is enjoying the ride!

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Suzanne said...

We celebrated 20 years together yesterday and it is still a journey full of wonder and some bumps in the road:-)

Lisa Maria said...

Congrats to you Suzanne! May you be blessed with many more! P.S. The bumps make you hold on to each other tighter.. don't you think?

signingcharity said...

Thank you for visiting my blog recently. As you might have gathered, my hubby has weathered more than his fair share of bumps and bruises with me as I deal with PPD and he continues to be so wonderful, letting me know how loved and cherished I am. Thank you for the reminder and prod in the right direction to communicate my love to him!

Lisa Maria said...

Signingcharity...Glad you visited with me and I'm happy to be of any help whatever. Praying for you as you continue your struggle.

God Bless!

SimpleThingsSweetLife said...

I always appreciate your comments and visits to my blog Lisa Maria...what a sweetheart you are as well as a woman of God. May He bless you extra today!

Donna :)

SimpleThingsSweetLife said...

PS...Tomorrow is our 27th wedding anniversary! So thankful that God has kept us together and enjoying each other all these years. To Him be all the glory and credit!

Lisa Maria said...

WOW Donna! Congrats to you both! I pray that God blesses your love and your marriage abundantly and you have many more years together. Thank you for blessing me with your visit today.

Love & Blessings!

Kristin Bridgman said...

I love happy endings!
My husband and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage in October. We always have "dates" even if it's just going out for a burger and a trip to Wal-Mart or the hardware store. (I love the hardware stores)
And the little notes and just because phone calls are nice. We also sit together A LOT out in our porch swing or in the one out back. Quiet time just for him and I to talk and just be together without distractions.
I'm so glad little princess is enjoying the ride! :)

Lisa Maria said...

Kristin, I love happy endings too.. always the romantic! 30 years is SUCH a milestone! Isn't it wonderful to know that you can ease into the autumn and winter of your life with this unconditional love and this man to lean on and hold your hand. What a glorious ride indeed!

"Ima" said...

Oh I am glad that I caught up on your posts! What a blessing to read. I loved how you reminded me about getting his attention. I try to remember to email and such, but it is such a nice reminder. Again, what a great fairy tale. I think it's better than Disney's because it is real and grounded in Christ. :)

And your post on love-oh so true. It is sufficient if we can learn what love really is. What a great reminder. Like I said, so glad I caught up. Hoping the rest of May isn't as busy.

Lisa Maria said...

Ima.. so glad you visited! Thanks for blessing me with your sweet words. Hope all is well in the nuthouse ;-) I know what you mean about being busy .. its manic on my end, but God's grace abounds, as always!

Love & Blessings to you and yours!

Anne @ Modern Mrs Darcy said...

Love this series!